How to Keep Things Light (But Still Respectful): The Ultimate Guide to Casual Dating Boundaries
Setting clear boundaries is essential for maintaining respectful and enjoyable casual relationships. These boundaries should cover communication expectations, physical intimacy, emotional expectations, and social interactions. The key is establishing relationship boundaries early, communicating regularly, and being prepared to adjust as needed. Remember that casual doesn't mean careless - respect and consideration remain important even in non-committed relationships.
Table of Contents
What Are Casual Dating Boundaries and Why Do They Matter?
How Do You Set Healthy Boundaries in Casual Dating?
What Boundaries Should You Establish in Casual Relationships?
How Do You Communicate About Dating Boundaries?
How Do You Handle Physical and Emotional Boundaries While Dating Casually?
What Digital Boundaries Do You Need in Modern Casual Dating?
What Should You Do When Dating Boundaries Are Violated?
How Do You Maintain Respect in Relationships?
What Are the Biggest Mistakes People Make With Casual Dating Boundaries?
Conclusion: Building Healthy Casual Connections
FAQs About Casual Dating Boundaries
Casual dating has emerged as a popular alternative to traditional committed relationships. However, the misconception that "casual" means "no rules" has led to countless misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and failed connections. The truth is that casual dating boundaries are not only important but essential for maintaining healthy and respectful interactions.
Casual dating boundaries serve as the foundation for any successful non-committed relationship. They create a framework within which both parties can enjoy each other's company while maintaining their independence and emotional well-being. Without clear casual dating boundaries, a lighthearted connection can easily turn messy, confusing, and emotionally draining for everyone involved.
The modern dating landscape has undergone significant evolution, with the rise of apps like Hinge and Bumble transforming how we connect and interact. This evolution makes understanding casual dating boundaries even more crucial. Whether you’re in a friends-with-benefits setup, a situationship, or casually dating multiple people, setting clear boundaries helps everyone stay on the same page.
What Are Casual Dating Boundaries and Why Do They Matter?
Casual dating boundaries are clear agreements about communication, intimacy, and respect that keep non-committed relationships healthy. They define expectations for contact frequency, physical intimacy, emotional involvement, and the day-to-day functioning of the relationship.
The modern dating landscape has fundamentally changed how people approach romantic connections, making relationship boundaries more crucial than ever before. Many people mistakenly believe that casual relationships don't require structure, but this is far from the truth.
What Casual Dating Actually Means
The reality is that dating boundaries are not only important - they're essential for maintaining healthy interactions.
Key characteristics of casual dating include:
Non-exclusive arrangements where all parties may see other people
Limited emotional commitment without expectations of long-term partnership
Flexible communication patterns that don't require daily contact
Physical intimacy without the pressure of relationship progression
Independence preservation while enjoying companionship
Why Boundaries Are Essential in Casual Relationships
Benefits of establishing clear dating boundaries include:
Emotional protection for all parties involved
Clear expectations that prevent misunderstandings
Maintained respect in relationships despite the casual nature
Better communication skills throughout the relationship
Reduced anxiety about an undefined relationship status
According to Relate UK’s guidance on communication, talking in a clear, constructive, and collaborative way can help avoid many misunderstandings and conflicts.
How Do You Set Healthy Boundaries in Casual Dating?
Setting effective dating boundaries requires intentional communication, self-reflection, and mutual respect. The process isn't about creating restrictions but rather establishing a framework for healthy interaction.
I used to think these talks ruined the vibe - turns out they save it. My 5-pillar checklist covers communication, physical comfort, emotional awareness, digital etiquette, and endings.
The Foundation of Protective Boundaries
Dating boundaries are protective mechanisms, not restrictive rules. Think of them as guardrails that keep a casual relationship on track while preventing emotional crashes. These boundaries protect both parties from misunderstandings, unmet expectations, and emotional harm that can occur when intentions aren't clearly communicated.
UK research shows that people who enter relationships with clearer expectations - around communication, emotional impact, intimacy, and relational norms - tend to report higher satisfaction and fewer regrets. For example, young adults in England and Scotland who experienced greater emotional closeness, companionship, and intimacy evaluated their relationships more positively. People in casual relationships with clear boundaries report:
Higher relationship satisfaction with their casual arrangements
Less anxiety about relationship status and expectations
Better communication skills with their casual partners
Fewer misunderstandings about intentions and limits
Greater emotional safety throughout the experience
Steps to Establish Your Personal Boundaries
Before entering any casual dating situation, it's crucial to understand your own needs, limits, and expectations. This self-awareness forms the foundation of effective dating boundaries.
My 5-Pillar Boundary Card:
Communication
Physical
Emotional
Social
Digital
If a situation doesn’t align with these five, I don’t force it.
To establish them:
Emotionally: Reflect on how much emotional involvement you can handle.
Social: Assess how often you’re willing to meet or spend time together.
Physical: Consider what level of physical intimacy feels comfortable.
Communication: Define how often you want to text or call.
Digital: Decide what you’re comfortable sharing or posting online.
The beauty of casual relationship boundaries lies in their flexibility. Unlike the often rigid expectations of committed relationships, casual dating boundaries can be tailored to fit specific needs and comfort levels. This customisation allows for creativity and personal expression while maintaining respect and consideration for everyone's feelings.
Furthermore, dating boundaries serve as a foundation for trust building. When both parties understand and respect the established limits, it creates a safe space where genuine connection can flourish without the pressure of traditional relationship expectations. This trust is essential for maintaining the lightness that makes casual dating enjoyable while preserving the respect that makes it sustainable.
What Boundaries Should You Establish in Casual Relationships?
Successful casual relationships require boundaries addressing communication, physical intimacy, emotions, social interactions, and digital behaviour. These dating boundaries should be comprehensive yet flexible enough to accommodate the evolving nature of casual relationships.
1. Communication and Transparency Boundaries
The first category of dating boundaries involves communication expectations. Decide early how often you'll communicate, through which channels, and what topics are appropriate for discussion. Some people prefer daily texting, while others are comfortable with sporadic communication. Establishing these boundaries prevents misunderstandings about response times and communication frequency.
For instance, I'm not a daily texter. I say this up front - "Every other day works best for me." It avoids the "are you ignoring me?" spiral.
Essential communication boundaries to consider include:
Response Time Expectations - How quickly should you reply to messages?
Communication frequency - Daily, weekly, or as-needed contact?
Preferred communication methods - Texting, calling, or in-person only?
Topic boundaries - What subjects are off-limits for discussion?
Transparency levels - How much should you share about other dates?
My ready-to-use script: "I enjoy chatting, but I'm not glued to my phone. If I don't reply the same day, it isn't disinterest."
Transparency boundaries are equally important. Will you discuss other people you're dating? How much detail is appropriate? These casual dating boundaries help maintain honesty while respecting each other's emotional comfort zones.
Learn more about open-minded dating approaches to understand different perspectives on transparency in casual relationships.
2. Physical and Sexual Boundaries
Physical boundaries encompass everything from PDA preferences to sexual health protocols. It's important to discuss STI testing, protection methods, and exclusivity agreements. These conversations might feel awkward initially, but they're crucial for both physical safety and emotional security.
Physical boundaries in casual dating aren’t just about sexual health - they also cover comfort levels, preferences, and expectations around physical affection. Some people are comfortable with certain forms of public displays of affection, while others prefer to keep physical intimacy private. These preferences should be discussed and respected as part of casual dating boundaries.
Essential physical boundary considerations:
Sexual health requirements - STI testing schedules and sharing results
Protection protocols - Condom use and other safety measures
Comfort zone mapping - Physical activities you enjoy vs. those you don't
Privacy preferences - Public vs. private intimacy boundaries
Consent communication - How to express and check ongoing consent
Exclusivity agreements - Whether you'll see other people sexually
Public displays of affection - Comfort levels with PDA
The NHS Sexual Health services provide comprehensive guidance on STI testing and sexual health protocols that should inform some of your physical boundaries.
Also consider the emotional aspects of physical intimacy. For some people, certain physical acts carry emotional weight that might complicate a casual arrangement. Being open about your feelings and including them in your boundaries helps keep things light while still respecting everyone’s emotions.
My 2-check consent cue: Ask once verbally, once non-verbally (pause, eye contact).
My ready-to-use script: "Let's share recent STI results and use protection every time - keeps things simple and safe."
3. Social and Public Boundaries
Consider: How will you interact in public settings? Will you introduce each other to friends and family? These social boundaries help maintain the casual nature of the relationship while avoiding confusion among social circles.
Important social boundaries to consider include:
Friend introductions - Will you meet each other's social circles?
Family involvement - Are family introductions appropriate?
Public behaviour - How will you act together in social settings?
Social media interaction - Following, tagging, and posting guidelines
Mutual friends - How to handle shared social connections
For instance, a Sunday market together felt "date-ish" to my partner, casual to me. We reset: coffees are fine; couple-coded outings (double dates, weddings) are not. No one was the villain - we just named it.
Some couples agree not to discuss their arrangement with mutual friends to avoid drama within their social groups, demonstrating how boundaries can protect existing relationships while allowing new ones to develop.
Friends-with-benefits arrangements require particularly careful casual dating boundaries because of the pre-existing friendship. These relationships need clear guidelines about how to maintain the friendship while adding physical intimacy, how to handle potential romantic development, and how to preserve the friendship if the physical aspect ends.
Specific FWB boundary considerations:
Friendship preservation - Protecting the underlying friendship
Social circle navigation - Managing mutual friends and social situations
Transition planning - How to return to friendship if needed
Communication protocols - Balancing friend vs. romantic communication
Activity boundaries - Distinguishing friend activities from romantic ones
4. Emotional Boundaries
One of the most challenging aspects of maintaining casual dating boundaries involves managing the natural development of emotions. It's normal to develop deeper feelings during casual relationships, and when this occurs, it can benefit both partners to state their needs and decide whether to part or stay together.
Critical emotional boundaries to discuss:
Feeling development protocols - What happens if someone catches feelings?
Jealousy management - How to handle jealous emotions constructively
Emotional support levels - What kind of support is appropriate to offer?
Future relationship possibilities - Openness to becoming more serious
Ending protocols - How to conclude the relationship respectfully
Continuation decisions - Whether the arrangement can survive emotional development
For more insights on navigating these situations, explore understanding different relationship types.
For further information on navigating these situations, explore what casual dating looks like in practice.
Additionally, Mind’s guide on ‘Managing mental health in a relationship’ explains how to communicate and support each other through emotional stress.
How Do You Communicate About Dating Boundaries?
Effective communication skills form the backbone of successful boundary setting, requiring both courage and skill to navigate potentially uncomfortable but essential conversations. Research suggests that casual relationships tend to have better emotional outcomes and fewer misunderstandings when partners discuss expectations and establish clear boundaries early on.
1. The Initial Boundary-Setting Conversation
The first discussion about boundaries sets the tone for everything that follows. Approach this conversation with openness and honesty about intentions, availability, and expectations. Be prepared to listen actively to your partner's needs and find common ground where boundaries align.
Creating agreements should happen 'early and often,' according to certified relationship coach Damona Hoffman, who emphasises that many singles avoid voicing their true intentions due to fear of rejection.
Structure the initial conversation around these key topics:
Relationship definition - What does casual dating mean to each person?
Availability and time commitment - How much time can you realistically invest?
Exclusivity preferences - Will you see other people romantically or sexually?
Communication expectations - Frequency, methods, and response times
Deal-breakers - What behaviours or situations would end the arrangement?
During this initial conversation, address the big picture questions: What does casual dating mean to each of us? What are the non-negotiables? What are you hoping to gain from this arrangement? These foundational boundaries provide clarity and prevent future conflicts.
2. Strategies for Ongoing Communication
Casual dating boundaries aren't set in stone. Regular check-ins allow you to reassess the arrangement and make adjustments as needed. Needs, feelings, and circumstances change over time, and casual dating boundaries should be flexible enough to accommodate these changes while maintaining the respect and consideration that make casual dating work.
Effective ongoing communication strategies include:
Monthly check-ins - Schedule regular conversations about how things are going
Immediate concerns - Address boundary issues as they arise, not later
Feeling updates - Share emotional developments honestly and promptly
Adjustment requests - Communicate when boundaries need modification
Express Appreciation - Acknowledge when boundaries are respected well
I personally now check in monthly - it's like a relationship MOT. Quick, honest, and it keeps us both comfortable.
3. Addressing Boundary Violations Through Communication
When casual dating boundaries are crossed, address the issue promptly and directly. Simply name it and reframe it: tell the person the action they took that crossed a boundary for you and instruct them how they can better show up for you in the future. This approach maintains respect while reinforcing casual dating boundaries.
My communication formula for boundary violations:
"When you [specific behaviour], I felt [emotional impact]"
"Our agreement was [boundary that was crossed]"
"Going forward, I need [specific behavioural change]"
"Are you comfortable with this adjustment?"
What Digital Boundaries Do You Need in Modern Casual Dating?
The digital age has introduced entirely new categories of casual dating boundaries to navigate, making it essential to address online behaviour and digital communication expectations.
1. Social Media Guidelines and Privacy Protection
In today's connected world, casual dating boundaries must address social media interaction. Will you follow each other on social platforms? How do you handle posts, comments, and tags? These digital casual dating boundaries help maintain privacy while avoiding mixed signals about the nature of the relationship.
Key social media boundaries to establish:
Platform connections - Which social media platforms are appropriate for following?
Interaction levels - Liking, commenting, and sharing guidelines
Tagging protocols - When is it okay to tag each other in posts?
Story viewing - Expectations around viewing and responding to stories
Privacy respect - Not screenshotting or sharing private content
My ready-to-use script: "No tags, no couple posts, and no screenshotting private messages - does that work for you?"
Consider creating casual dating boundaries around social media stalking or monitoring each other's online activities based on what you need and think is right. The casual nature of the relationship doesn't give either party the right to track or judge the other's online interactions or connections.
2. Texting and Communication Technology
Digital casual dating boundaries should also cover communication technology preferences. Some people prefer texting, others like phone calls, and some enjoy video chats. Establishing these preferences as part of casual dating boundaries ensures smooth, comfortable communication.
Digital boundaries keep casual connections stress-free in a world where communication never stops. My go-to 3-3-3 Rule keeps things balanced: reply within 3 hours when you can, avoid sending more than 3 messages in a row, and keep late-night texts within 3 sentences unless it’s already discussed.
When setting digital boundaries, it helps to outline:
Preferred platforms – whether you’re more comfortable texting, calling, or messaging through an app.
Response timeframes – realistic expectations for replies that don’t create pressure.
Communication hours – when it’s okay to reach out, and when to respect personal space.
Emergency exceptions – when immediate responses are necessary.
Photo sharing rules – clarity around what’s okay to send and what’s not.
Setting these boundaries early prevents mixed signals, builds respect, and keeps your digital connection easy-going rather than overwhelming.
3. Online Dating App Etiquette
If you met someone through dating apps and are still active on them, casual dating boundaries should address how to handle continued app usage while seeing each other casually.
App-related boundary considerations:
Profile visibility - Keeping profiles active vs. hiding them
Matching continuation - Whether you'll continue swiping and matching
Conversation transparency - Sharing information about other app conversations
Meeting other matches - Boundaries around meeting people from apps
App communication - Whether to continue app messaging or move to texting
What Should You Do When Casual Dating Boundaries Are Violated?
Even well-established casual dating boundaries can be crossed, and knowing how to respond effectively determines whether the casual relationship can recover and continue healthily.
1. Identifying Boundary Violations
Recognising when casual dating boundaries have been crossed is the first step in addressing violations. Pay attention to boundary-crossing early on, whether it's as simple as being chronically late or as complex as making you physically uncomfortable or disregarding your feelings.
Common violations of casual dating boundaries include:
Possessive behaviour - Acting jealous or controlling despite the casual agreement
Oversharing personal information - Revealing private details without permission
Pushing for commitment - Pressuring for a more serious relationship status
Disrespecting sexual health agreements - Ignoring STI testing or protection protocols
Social boundary violations - Introducing you as more than casual without discussion
Communication boundary breaches - Excessive calling, texting, or social media stalking
These behaviours require immediate attention to preserve the integrity of the casual relationship and protect emotional well-being.
2. Responding to Violations Effectively
When casual dating boundaries are violated, respond with clarity and firmness while maintaining respect. Avoid aggressive or angry responses; instead, focus on clear communication about what happened and what needs to change. This approach reinforces casual dating boundaries while keeping the door open for a positive resolution.
Effective response strategies:
Address immediately - Don't let boundary violations slide or build up
Use "I" statements - Focus on your feelings and needs, not accusations
Reference the original agreement - Remind them of previously established boundaries
Request specific changes - Be clear about what behaviour needs to change
Set consequences - Explain what will happen if boundaries continue being crossed
Give yourself grace when boundaries are crossed. While boundaries are standard and firm, sometimes you might allow a boundary to be crossed and then become guilt-ridden. Accept it and remember that boundary next time.
A personal example of this was when, someone kept texting after midnight despite our agreement. I simply restated the boundary: "We agreed on no texts after 10 PM - can we stick to that?" They apologised and adjusted. Sometimes people just need a reminder.
3. Deciding Whether to Continue the Relationship
After a violation of casual dating boundaries, assess whether the relationship can continue healthily. Consider factors like the severity of the violation, the person's response to boundary reinforcement, and your own comfort level moving forward. Sometimes, violations signal fundamental incompatibilities that make continuing the casual relationship inadvisable.
Decision-making criteria:
Violation severity - Was it a minor mistake or a major boundary breach?
Response quality - How did they react to boundary reinforcement?
Pattern recognition - Is this a one-time event or recurring behaviour?
Personal comfort - Do you feel safe and respected moving forward?
Trust levels - Can you trust them to respect boundaries in the future?
How Do You Maintain Respect in Casual Relationships?
The challenge of keeping things light while maintaining respect requires intentional effort and clear casual dating boundaries that prioritise dignity alongside personal freedom.
1. The Balance Between Casual and Respectful
One of the biggest challenges in casual dating is maintaining respect while keeping things light. Boundaries help achieve this balance by creating structure without imposing the heavy expectations of committed relationships. The goal is to enjoy each other's company while treating each other with kindness and consideration.
Respect in casual dating means honouring agreements, communicating honestly, and considering the other person's feelings even when you're not committed to them long-term. These casual dating boundaries ensure that the casual nature of the relationship doesn't become an excuse for thoughtless or hurtful behaviour.
2. Avoiding Common Courtesy Pitfalls
Casual dating boundaries should include basic courtesy expectations. This means showing up when you say you will, being honest about your availability and interests, and treating your casual partner as a valued person rather than just a convenient option. These courtesies maintain the respect that makes casual dating sustainable and enjoyable.
3. Setting Expectations for Ending Things
Even casual relationships eventually end, and having casual dating boundaries around ending things respectfully is crucial. Discuss early on how you'd like to handle the conclusion of the casual arrangement, whether it's a gradual fade, a direct conversation, or something in between. These casual dating boundaries ensure that ending things doesn't damage self-esteem or create unnecessary drama.
What Are the Biggest Mistakes People Make With Casual Dating Boundaries?
1. The "No Rules" Fallacy
The biggest mistake people make with casual dating boundaries is assuming that casual means having no rules at all. This approach often leads to confusion, hurt feelings, and failed connections. Successful casual dating requires casual dating boundaries - they just look different from the boundaries in committed relationships.
2. Ignoring Emotional Development
Another common mistake is failing to address emotional development in casual dating. Emotions naturally develop in close human connections, and pretending they won't appear doesn't make them disappear. Include provisions in casual dating boundaries for handling emotional changes.
3. Poor Communication
Many casual dating arrangements fail due to poor communication about casual dating boundaries. Regular check-ins and honest conversations prevent misunderstandings and ensure that boundaries remain relevant and effective as circumstances change.
4. Assuming Universal Standards
Not everyone defines casual dating the same way, which is why personalised casual dating boundaries are essential. Don't assume your partner shares your definitions or expectations - discuss everything explicitly to ensure you're on the same page.
Conclusion: Building Healthy Casual Connections
Casual dating boundaries represent the intersection of freedom and responsibility in modern relationships. They allow people to explore connections, enjoy intimacy, and maintain independence while treating each other with respect and consideration. The most successful casual relationships are those where casual dating boundaries are established early, communicated clearly, and maintained consistently.
It's important to emphasise that casual dating boundaries aren't about limiting the experience - they're about enhancing it by creating a framework where everyone feels safe, respected, and valued. Whether exploring a friends-with-benefits arrangement, engaging in multiple casual connections, or testing the waters before commitment, well-defined casual dating boundaries ensure that keeping things light doesn't come at the cost of basic human decency and respect.
: Before I begin any casual arrangement, I agree on: message pace, safer-sex plan, feelings protocol, social/digital etiquette, and a kind ending. These five cover everything.
By prioritising communication, flexibility, and mutual respect, you can enjoy the freedom and fun of casual dating while gaining experiences that support personal growth and relationship skills. The key is remembering that casual dating, when done right with proper boundaries, can be both light and meaningful, as well as fun and respectful.
Boundaries aren't rules - they're respect in action. Keep them flexible, honest, and human.
Summary
In an era where modern dating has become increasingly complex, casual dating has emerged as a popular alternative to traditional committed relationships.
Dating boundaries serve as the foundation for any successful non-committed relationship. They create a framework for relationships within which both parties can enjoy each other's company while maintaining their personal autonomy and emotional well-being. Without clear boundaries, what starts as a fun, lighthearted connection can quickly become messy, confusing, and potentially harmful to everyone involved.
The modern dating landscape has undergone significant evolution, and the rise of dating apps and social media has transformed how we connect and interact. This evolution makes understanding relationship boundaries even more crucial. Whether exploring a friends-with-benefits arrangement, engaging in situationships, or simply dating multiple people without commitment, having well-defined boundaries ensures everyone knows what to expect.
Key Takeaways
Essential Foundation: Boundaries are protective mechanisms, not restrictive rules, that create safe spaces for non-committed connections.
Early Communication: Establish boundaries early in the relationship through honest, open conversations about expectations and intentions.
Comprehensive Coverage: Effective boundaries address communication, physical intimacy, emotional development, social interactions, and digital behaviour.
Flexibility: Boundaries should be adaptable and revisited regularly as people's needs and circumstances change.
Respect: Maintain respect while keeping things light through clear boundaries that honour everyone's feelings and dignity.
Health and Safety: Boundaries must include protocols for sexual health, STI testing, and protection to ensure everyone's physical well-being.
Emotional Intelligence: Address the possibility of developing feelings within boundaries rather than pretending emotions won't arise.
Digital Considerations: Modern boundaries must account for social media, texting, and online interactions to prevent misunderstandings.
Violation Response: When boundaries are crossed, respond with clarity and firmness while maintaining respect and considering whether to continue the relationship.
Personal Responsibility: Take responsibility for your own boundaries and don't expect others to read your mind - communicate needs clearly and directly.
FAQs About Casual Dating Boundaries
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It's recommended to discuss casual dating boundaries before or during your first intimate encounter. Early communication prevents misunderstandings and sets clear expectations from the beginning.
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Absolutely. Casual dating boundaries should be flexible and evolve as people's needs, feelings, and circumstances change. Regular check-ins help ensure boundaries remain relevant and effective.
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If someone refuses to discuss casual dating boundaries, consider whether they're truly ready for a casual relationship. Healthy casual dating requires communication and mutual respect for boundaries.
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Yes, friends-with-benefits arrangements often require additional casual dating boundaries to protect the underlying friendship while managing the physical component of the relationship.
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Present casual dating boundaries as mutual agreements that protect everyone involved rather than rules you're imposing. Focus on respect and communication rather than control.
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Casual dating boundaries tend to be more flexible and focused on respect and safety rather than commitment and exclusivity. They're protective measures rather than restrictive rules.
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This depends on personal preferences and health considerations. Some casual daters prefer exclusivity for STI prevention, while others value the freedom to see multiple people. This should be discussed as part of casual dating boundaries.
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Address jealousy directly and honestly. Casual dating boundaries should include strategies for managing jealousy, such as limiting details about other connections or reassessing whether casual dating is right for you.
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Yes, but be clear about the level and type of emotional support you're comfortable providing and receiving. This prevents dependency while maintaining a caring connection.
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Casual dating boundaries should address this possibility in advance. Options to consider include ending the arrangement, transitioning to a committed relationship, or continuing with modified boundaries that acknowledge the emotional development.
